Doctor Frog’s Pontification Pad

A short disclaimer for a novel I am considering writing:

1. The author of this novel knows nothing in-depth about the biological or behavioral inner workings of mice, rats, rodents, birds, insects, plants, dogs, cats, fish, dust particles, larger collections of dust particles euphemistically referred to as “dust mice,” people, virudean ravages, glass tubes, vacuum cleaners, small rocks, squirrels, trees, robots, or monkeys, nor has the author made any attempt to educate himself, either formally or informally, with regard to the aforementioned inner workings, preferring instead to fill in the gaps of his knowledge with articles of his own invention, that is, bald and unequivocal lies.

For the inaccuracies and inconsistencies occurring due to the lack of knowledge regarding the above, the author extends no apologies of any kind.

2. With regard to deeper meaning, the following story and its characters are intended to have none. See the legal preamble to The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn for information regarding penalties for attempts to divine deeper meanings from the narrative, its characters, and most especially the names and identifying aspects of said characters, which have been specifically selected to have no meaning of any kind whatsoever.

Problem: Filling Minidiscs with random tracks is impossible, thanks to the inflexibility of SonicStage, the exclusive means with which you may fill a typical Minidisc. Since Sony keeps the transfer protocol for Minidisc under lock and key, and SonicStage apparently lacks a scripting interface, SonicStage will only have the ‘advanced’ features that users of iTunes and Winamp enjoy only if and when it pleases Sony. In other words, probably never.

Therefore, the Minidisc user craving randomnosity in their music-listening experience is thwarted. Or is he? (Or she. Indeed, are they both thus thwarted? For frustration discriminates not according to gender.)

Here is a simple way to introduce basic randomness into your Minidiscs. You’ll need:

• The latest version of SonicStage. (Registration required, or you can download the official one from Sony.)
• The latest version of iTunes.
• A desire for randomness in your minidisc listening experience.

For this tutorial, I use iTunes, but you may be able to use other music management software such as Winamp or Windows Media Player. I prefer iTunes because I also have an iPod, and in spite of its bloat (and the barely-detectable level of smarm present in any Apple program or user), iTunes is a snappy, well-thought-out bit of software with a ton of worthy features.

Short version:

1. Create a random playlist of appropriate size using iTunes.
2. Drag-n-drop the tracks from the iTunes playlist into a new playlist in SonicStage.
3. Transfer the new random tracks to your Minidisc, and enjoy!

Long, detailed version:

1. Download and install iTunes. (Oh noes!)
   Marvel at its simplicity, relative speed, and sophisticated playlist management. Seriously, this is some good stuff that you’re missing out on.
2. You may wish to page through iTunes’ preferences dialog to weed out any annoying ‘features’ that Apple enables by default:
   • iTunes may set itself as the default player for your system.
   • You may not want iTunes to automatically manage your music library if you have your own system of organizing your music.
   • You may also wish to disable the Quicktime tray utility, and the file preferences it hijacks upon installation.
   • If you don’t have an iPod, you can also disable the iPod Windows Service that is set to Automatic by default.
3. Import your music library into iTunes.
4. Create a new “Smart Playlist.” In iTunes, this is CTRL+ALT+N.

   For the uninitiated, a Smart Playlist is one that dynamically creates a list of tracks based on parameters that you set. In our case, we want a random selection of music that is just long enough to fit on a Minidisc. When it comes to music management, the Smart Playlist is nothing short of revolutionary, giving you the ability to effectively create your own smart, autonomous radio station. I might get into the specifics of that in another post. For now, basic randomness is good enough for us.

5. Set the Smart Playlist to include a random selection of songs, the length of which is equal to the size of your Minidisc.
   For me, that’s LP2, so my list would look like this:
   
   If you can’t see the image above, the options are:
   • “Match the following rule:” is unchecked.
   • “Limit to” is 160 minutes “selected by” random.
   • “Match only checked songs” is checked.
   • “Live updating” is checked.
6. Click “OK” and iTunes should faithfully render a random stream of tunes roughly 160 minutes long, ready for the playing.
   At this point, you can continue to fiddle with Smart Playlists to your heart’s content. Right-click on them and select “Edit” to do so.
   For example, if you see tracks you don’t like, delete them, and the Live Updating option will allow iTunes to magically replace them. Or, if you only want soundtracks to appear in your playlist, you can add a rule governing that, or any number of variables, in the Smart Playlist.
7. Create a bunch of lists, one for each Minidisc if you want.
8. Open SonicStage.
9. Create a new, empty playlist in Sonic Stage.
10. Open the playlist.
11. In iTunes, select all the files in your Smart Playlist (CTRL+A).
12. Arrange SonicStage and iTunes on your screen so you can see both windows.
13. Drag-n-drop the files from iTunes into the blank SonicStage playlist.
    
    Congratulations! You now have a random playlist in SonicStage!
14. If you have created multiple blank playlists in SonicStage, and you have Live Updating enabled on your iTunes Smart Playlist, you can quickly fill up additional playlists by:
    • Selecting all files in the iTunes playlist and deleting them.
      This does not remove the files from iTunes or your hard drive, it simply removes them from the playlist.
    • iTunes automatically fills the playlist with more, random files.
    • Select all, drag-n-drop the files into the blank Sonic Stage playlist.
    • Repeat as necessary.
15. Finally, transfer your new, random playlists onto your minidiscs. Enjoy your new pocket radio station, and no longer feel (as) jealous about people with hard drive-based players!

As recorded by Magnus Shalebridge, dwarf, and edited for clarity by Perendeil, elf.

I am called Gul. That is not my name. As far as my understanding of names extends, I do not have one. The ones who captured me, dwarves, have names, and elves have names. This is strange to me. I am an orc and I do not have a name.

I am called Gul. I had a thousand thousand brethren, also called Gul. We labored in the nap of the earth for years, until called into striations for the name of Morgoth. Then we were Gul Pont, which means Dark Water. There was nothing about us that was specific to the nature of Dark Water. There was a banner with the sigul of Dark Water upon it, and those of us who were Gul Pont were to form lines around it. Of Gul Pont, there were four, Gul Ponti, running dark water, Gul Pontor, meaning glowing dark water, Gul Pongo, meaning still dark water, and Gul Prang, meaning burning dark water. Of those, I was of Gul Pontor, and we were all Gul, Gul Pont, Gul Pontor.

Here I am called Gul, because there is only one of me. This is what the dwarves call me, or Gul of Angband, or ‘the orc.’ They speak it as though it were my name, but they do not speak it the way the speak each other’s names.